Bar Jokes

All kinds of people walk into bars.  How did they get there?  What are they doing there?  What is the bar?  If you've ever asked yourself these questions, you've come to the right place for answers.

• Marco Rubio leaned off camera into a bar for a desperate gulp of water.
• NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre walks into a bar without any ID because background checks for beer should be voluntary.
• When senate hopeful Todd Akin walks into a bar, he scoots on his bum because both his feet are in his mouth. http://t.co/ShXsDBR7
• E. L. James likes all fifty shades of beer at the bar, but was still surprised how popular they all are.
• Mitt Romney walked into a bar he retroactively built by himself.
• President Obama never promised it would be a short walk to the bar.
• Queen Elizabeth II parachuted into the bar for a spot of tea to start off the Summer Olympics.
• Chancellor Merkel prefers not to cover your bar tab, thank you very much. http://on.wsj.com/MyWpjz
• Clint Eastwood walked into six bars... or only five. I forgot myself in all this excitement.
• When Clint Eastwood walks into a bar, he always looks for an empty chair.
• Audrey Hepburn walked into Tiffany's Bar and Pub for breakfast.
• When U2 takes shelter from the poison rain, it's where the the bars have no name.
• Occam may have spontaneously materialized in a bar, but I'm guessing he walked in.
• If you see Margaret Thatcher chatting with Golda Meir in a bar, don't mess with them - they're called the Iron Ladies for a reason.
• Sarah Palin saw them serving vodka in the bar from her house.
• Aesop raced the tortoise and the hare to a bar for sour grapes.
• Billy Joel at the bar is a friend of mine - he gets me my drinks for free.
• Sir Isaac Newton gravitated to the bar for an appletini.
• Spielberg directed a war horse to the bar and made him drink.
• A long time ago, George Lucas walked into a bar in a galaxy far, far away.
• Steven Tyler walked this way into a bar.
• Louis XVI headed off to the bar.
• L'Engle tessered into a bar.
• Longfellow hung a couple of lanterns in a bar.
• Chuck Norris doesn't walk into bars - a bar forms around Chuck Norris when he wants a drink.
• Asimov wrote about the theory of psychobaristary.
• David Bowie is afraid of American bars.
• Lady Gaga was wearing a bar.
• MLK Jr. had a dream about the bar.
• Rosa Parks stayed in her seat at the bar.
• Sacajawea guided some guys to the bar.
• Bono still hasn't found the bar he's looking for.
• Douglas Adams hitchhiked to a bar.
• Lennon imagined walking into a bar.
• Copernicus came to the inevitable conclusion that he would have to walk to the bar.
• Jules Verne journeyed to the center of a bar.
• Maxwell and his demon ushered everyone to one side of a bar.
• Picasso walked into the front and back doors of a bar at the same time.
• Robert Brown meandered aimlessly somewhere near a bar.
• Neil Armstrong took one small step into a bar.
• Every time Pavlov walks into a bar, he immediately orders whiskey.
• Jimmy Buffet walked into a bar and asked for some salt.
• Descartes was in a bar, therefore beer.
• It was a dark and stormy night, but at least Bulwer-Lytton was warm and dry in a bar.
• Machiavelli was in a bar - does it really matter how he got there?
• Euclid walked into a rather plane bar.
• Socrates, in a bar, asked, "Is this hemlock?"
• Darwin always walks into the best bars, naturally.
• Galileo was surprised at how far it is to the bar.
• Kepler walked into a bar - the bar didn't walk into Kepler.
• An Isaac Newton in a bar tends to remain in a bar.
• Heisenberg was in a bar, but it's uncertain how he got there.
• Schroedinger may or may not have walked into a bar.